Here Mitt Comes To Save The Day

SCOTT KELLY MAY HAVE MISSED ALOT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE SO FAR, BUT THERE IS PLENTY MOREFOR HIM TO CATCH UP ON BECAUSE IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS,FIVE MORE STATES WILL WEIGH IN ON THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION:MICHIGAN, OHIO, LOUISIANA, NEBRASKA AND FLORIDA.

IN FLORIDA, THEY WILL CAST THEIRVOTES THE TRADITIONAL WAY, BY VOTING FOR WHOEVER LOOKS MORELIKE THEIR GRANDSON.

(LAUGHTER)BUT EVEN THEN, WE STILL WON'T EVEN BE HALFWAY THROUGH THEPRIMARY PROCESS.

WHICH MEANS THIS IS THE ROAD TOTHE WHITE HOUSE! ♪>> I JUST WANT A JOB! JUST GET ME A JOB! ♪>> Stephen: WELL, HE MIGHT GET ONE BECAUSEDONALD TRUMP'S BIG WIN ON SUPER TUESDAY HAS MADE IT CLEAR THATHE IS THE LIKELY NOMINEE OF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, AND THAT HASSENT THE REPUBLICAN ESTABLISHMENT INTO A PANIC.

THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THISGUY, BUT THE VOTERS ARE CHOOSING THIS.

IT'S LIKE AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE.

AND UNLIKE TRUMP'S OTHERMARRIAGES, THIS ONE COULD LAST EIGHT YEARS.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE) THEY HAVE WOKEN UP IN BED WITHTHIS GUY, BUT THEY'RE NOT TAKING IT LYING DOWN! (LAUGHTER)FOR INSTANCE, IF TRUMP IS THE NOMINEE, REPUBLICAN SENATEMAJORITY LEADER MITCH MCCONNELL VOWS THAT HIS COLLEAGUES WILL"DROP HIM LIKE A HOT ROCK.

" WHICH IS A HUGE SACRIFICE FORSOMEONE WHO IS PART TORTOISE.

THAT'S HIS FAVORITE BASKINGSPOT! RIGHT THERE! AND, TODAY, IN A DESPERATE BIDTO STOP TRUMP FROM GETTING THE NOMINATION, THEY TRIED A NEWAPPROACH OF A VERY OLD APPROACH.

>> HERE'S WHAT I KNOW: DONALDTRUMP IS A PHONY, A FRAUD.

>> STEPHEN: THAT'S RIGHT.

FACED WITH A MONSTER, THE G.

O.

P.

HAD ONLY ONE CHOICE.

>> "RELEASE THE ROMNEY!"(LAUGHTER) (APPLAUSE)>> STEPHEN: YES, THEY BROKE THE SEAL ON MITT'S HYPERBARICDIGNITY CHAMBER, AND HE BROUGHT THE PAIN.

>> NOW, I'M FAR FROM THE FIRSTTO CONCLUDE THAT DONALD TRUMP LACKS THE TEMPERAMENT TO BEPRESIDENT.

YOU SAY WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ISN'THE A HUGE BUSINESS SUCCESS? DOESN'T HE KNOW WHAT HE'STALKING ABOUT? NO, HE ISN'T AND, NO, HEDOESN'T.

WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO TRUMPAIRLINES? HOW ABOUT TRUMP UNIVERSITY? AND THEN THERE'S TRUMP MAGAZINE.

AND TRUMP VODKA, AND TRUMPSTEAKS, AND TRUMP MORTGAGE.

A BUSINESS GENIUS, HE IS NOT.

>> STEPHEN: TRUE.

TRUMP HAS PUT HIS NAME ON SOMETERRIBLE INVESTMENTS.

FOR EXAMPLE, FOUR YEARS AGO, HEENDORSED MITT ROMNEY! (APPLAUSE)ALL IN ALL, A VERY POWERFUL STATEMENT FROM A MEMBER OF THEREPUBLICAN ESTABLISHMENT.

LET'S SEE HOW TRUMP'S SUPPORTERSRESPONDED.

( ROARS )>> STEPHEN: OH, THAT'S RIGHT, MITT.

THEY WANT TO FEAST ON YOURFLESH.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN ROMNEYDOESN'T HAVE A ROUGH AND TUMBLE PLAN TO SAVE THE PARTY.

HE KNOWS THERE'S A WAY TO STOPTRUMP FROM GETTING THE NUMBER OF DELEGATES HE NEEDS AT THECONVENTION.

>> I BELIEVE WE CAN NOMINATE APERSON WHO CAN WIN THE GENERAL ELECTION AND WHO WILL REPRESENTTHE VALUES AND POLICIES OF CONSERVATISM.

GIVEN THE CURRENT DELEGATESELECTION PROCESS, THAT MEANS THAT I'D VOTE FOR MARCO RUBIO INFLORIDA AND FOR JOHN KASICH IN OHIO, AND FOR TED CRUZ ORWHICHEVER ONE OF THE OTHER TWO CONTENDERS HAS THE BEST CHANCETO BEATING MR.

TRUMP IN A GIVEN STATE.

>> STEPHEN: WHAT AN INSPIRINGMESSAGE FOR THE WORLD'S GREATEST DEMOCRACY: DON'T VOTEFOR WHO YOU THINK SHOULD BE PRESIDENT, VOTE FOR WHICHEVERCANDIDATE IN YOUR STATE HAS THE BEST CHANCE OF KEEPING TRUMPFROM GETTING DELEGATES.

IT'S A SYSTEM OFTEN EMPLOYED BYBROS IN BARS THAT RHYMES WITH "CLOCK BLOCK.

" (LAUGHTER)AND I KNOW THERE'S AN ANGRY REPUBLICAN BASE OUT THERE, BUTTHIS GUY SAYS IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO SAVE DEMOCRACY FROM THEVOTERS.

AFTER YOU VOTE, MAYBE YOU WILLGET A STICKER THAT SAYS, "I DID WHAT MITT ROMNEY TOLD ME TO.

" (LAUGHTER)THIS GAME OF GANGING UP AGAINST THE POPULAR GUY WHO'S WINNING,THAT'S NOT DEMOCRACY.

THAT'S A REALITY SHOW STRATEGY.

AND THAT IS TRUMP'S HOME TURF.

YOU HONESTLY THINK YOU ARE GOINGTO BE BETTER AT THIS THAN HIM? IT'S LIKE SAYING, "YOU KNOW THEWAY TO FIX OUR GREAT WHITE SHARK PROBLEM IS, GET IN THE WATERWITH HIM.

BUT FIRST LET ME PUT ON MYLUCKY HAM.

" TRUMP IS NOT RUNNING A POLITICAL– THAT'S THE HAM.

(LAUGHTER)TRUMP IS NOT RUNNING A POLITICAL CAMPAIGN.

HE'S A REALITY SHOW CONTESTANTWHO'S ESTABLISHED HIMSELF AS A VILLAIN TO POLARIZE THEAUDIENCE, THEN DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE IT TO THE FINALTRIBAL COUNCIL TO GET THE ROSE THAT LETS HIM HAVE SEX WITH THETOP CHEF.

(APPLAUSE)THEN YOU GET TO NAME A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE IN THE FANTASYSUITE.

(LAUGHTER)BUT LET'S JUST SAY FOR A MINUTE THIS PLAN TO STOP TRUMP WORKS.

WHO THEN COULD THE REPUBLICANSRUN FOR PRESIDENT? THE GUYS WHO LOST? THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.

NO, YOU NEED SOMEONE WHO'S BEENLEGITIMATELY CHOSEN BY REPUBLICAN VOTERS.

HOLD ON A MINUTE! MITT, WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK OFTHIS? MITT, I DON'T KNOW IF THIS HASOCCURRED TO YOU, BUT YOU FIT THAT DESCRIPTION! OH, DO IT, MITT.

DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, JUSTGATHER UP THE GANG, THE FAMILY, GATHER UP TAGG AND BLITT ANDGUFF AND TUPP, STRAP THE DOG TO THE CAR AND HEAD TO THECONVENTION.

I'M READY.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)I'VE STILL GOT ALL KINDS OF STUFF FROM 2012.

I'VE STILL GOT MY GANGNAM STYLECD, MY LINSANITY SHIRT AND MY OFFICIAL PORTRAIT OF MITT ROMNEYON THIS JUST FOR MEN BOX.

COLOR: DRESSAGE HORSE.